Lundy Bancroft: Why Moms Are Losing Custody of Their Kids to Abusers, and What YOU Can Do
Interview with Lundy Bancroft, the bestselling author of “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” about his new novel, IN CUSTODY.
Per Lundy's website, the book is: "Part humor, part romance, and part suspense, Lundy Bancroft's "In Custody" is the story of a young journalist who sets out to discover why a mother and her daughter have gone missing -- and finds herself digging into the dark world of family court corruption." "In Custody" is available in paperback & Kindle editions: (Amazon affiliate link: https://amzn.to/3AD1LtP)
Key Quote: We now have a [long] history of custody courts chronically refusing to protect children and refusing to look at the evidence. The custody courts are fond of saying, “Well, it's just his word against hers” and “we didn't have any evidence that he was abusing the children,” and that's usually not true, usually that's the courts’ excuse for refusing to look at the evidence.
HIGHLIGHTS:
(For more information, go to http://www.InCustodyTheNovel.com/resources)
04:50 – Courts aren’t always doing a good job protecting kids, so sometimes the mother wants to take things into her own hands and flee with the child. IN CUSTODY tells the tale of a mother who escapes by means of an underground network. Do these exist?
06:20 – Why are mothers losing custody of their children in court? Why are courts stripping custody from mothers and granting 50/50 custody to violent men?
06:40 – History: Back in the 1970s and 1980s child support enforcement laws had an unintended consequence. Stricter collection of child support created a backlash. (It might have been better to let abusers walk away.)
07:30 – So-called “Father’s Rights” organizations sprang up. They were not interested in the legitimate concerns of fathers. They fought to throw out disclosures of violence and sexual abuse made by the mother, by the children, and by doctors and therapists. They started attracting abusers to their organizations, even recruiting them. They are mainly interested in owning and controlling their children, not in spending quality time with them (15:00).
However, Lundy also discusses mothers who abuse children (29:30).
8:48 – In the 1970s-80s, laws changed to give women the right to live without being subjected to abuse. No-fault divorce laws were designed to help abused women to get away. The pent-up demand spiked the divorce rate up for 20 years. Then it dropped.
09:26 – Even though the new laws saved lives (reduced the suicide rate of women, domestic violence rate by and against women and men, and the homicide rate of women killed by intimates — http://www.lifesavingdivorce.com/divorcesaveslives) the family law courts have not wanted to change. They dismiss disclosures of domestic violence, even from children.
11:45 – Family Court is getting worse. It is enabling domestic violence. It is even forbidding mothers to protect their children.
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TIPS: See more at http://www.lifesavingdivorce.com/incustody
12:30 – Mothers need to organize the way that the Father's Rights groups have. Merely passing laws isn’t enough. Mothers need to protest, picket, speak out in communities, and get on the news. They need to recruit just as abusive men have.
15:25 – Moms feel isolated. They need support and to know they are not alone. Mothers need to join organizations and get educated. See link to 11 organizations: Resources on Family Court Corruption & Reform
https://www.incustodythenovel.com/blank-page-2
18:00 – Know the telltale signs of “Father’s Rights” talking points.
31:44 – In the worst-case scenarios, mothers have been known to take their children and run. It’s best to do this before the divorce or temporary custody order is filed.
35:20 – There are networks that help mothers who have credible evidence to run and hide.
39:00 – Get educated on the cases where the courts betrayed mothers even when there was substantial evidence of abuse by the father. For a list go to http://www.lifesavingdivorce.com/incustody.
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OTHER TOPICS
21:55 – Yes, it is possible to combat Father’s Rights ideology and win in court in some cases, but in others, the mother may have no choice. She usually doesn’t have the time or money to appeal in court.
26:30 – Some custody evaluators lie and don’t even talk with the children.
29:25 – There are mothers who are abusive to children. Sometimes the husband can be the victim of a narcissistic wife.
40:00 – Pros and cons of going to criminal court.
41:40 – Most kids side with their nurturing parent. But some side with the abuser. Bancroft has 3 new blog posts on this. For links, go to http://www.lifesavingdivorce.com/incustody
Resources on Family Court Corruption & Reform
https://www.incustodythenovel.com/blank-page-2
New Organization: Mothers on the Rise. Reforming family court corruption and fighting against court abuse.
https://www.mothersontherise.org/
FOR MORE INFORMATION, go to http://www.lifesavingdivorce.com/incustody
